Forgiveness Project Part II (The people at the hospital that day)

file000640497966  I am sorry to be bringing up a very, very bad day again. Blame the forgiveness project. After the whole miscarriage, pass out repeatedly, call 911 incident in the spring, I ended up at the hospital of my not-choice. The paramedics were wonderful. They acted at all times as if something was wrong with me and I needed help. Given my state, I found their attitude encouraging.

Once at the ER, I was left in the hallway for more than an hour. This did not feel nice, but at least I got to keep the paramedics. After that, they rolled me into an empty room and shut the door. Here, I inherited nurse primary and nurse other. For another couple of hours they did as little as possible to assist me. By request of my husband, I received oxygen and an IV drip. Otherwise, I was told to walk to the bathroom and sighed at when it was explained that I couldn’t go two steps without passing out. Help bells were rung and ignored when my husband was worried about how long I had passed out for, or about me having a seizure. Nurse primary was rather uncomfortable with the sight of blood. (It made it hard for us to develop a positive relationship as my entire condition was all about continual bleeding.)

Dr. in charge, came by a couple of times, as in twice, possibly three times, for about 45 seconds each time. He was sure the worst was past and I’d be going home soon. It was difficult to see what he was basing his diagnosis on, as no one, nurse or doctor, ever did an assessment of me. In fact, oddly, until I was transferred to the angelic OB/GYN’s no one actually touched me, except to draw blood. They glanced briefly at my face, but mostly they looked at their charts or the machines that told them about me.

That was in March. This is December. I know. I should have forgiven them by now. I have tried not to think about them. They kind of popped out after I thought about vegetable man. Did I mention also that my disgust for them feels justified?

Deep breath.

And again.

Ok.

I too have treated people as interruptions rather than human beings. I have failed to see fear and vulnerability, and so failed to provide empathy or care. I have failed to see the people I am assigned to care for, bleeding to different kinds of death right in front of me.

To the nurses and doctor assigned to me that day, I forgive you. I have been you too. May we all have fresh eyes to recognize the very real needs around us. May we have to grace to respond with compassion, and the humility to say, I’m sorry. May you and your families be much blessed this Christmas and always.

7 Comments to Forgiveness Project Part II (The people at the hospital that day)

  1. Leslie Lynch says:

    Oh, Michelle… If you had shown up in MY ER while I was anywhere near, you would have had a much, much different experience. I nag my son-in-law physician and my daughter-in-med-school about hands-on patient assessment, ad infinitum. I am SO glad you survived the non-treatment. <3

    On to the forgiveness part: You humble me. I, too, have at one glaring episode in my past that required forgiveness before I killed my spirit through hatred. It took me YEARS to reach your place of grace and insight – and I'm not sure I understood the part about how I have similarly harmed people who've crossed my path. Mea culpa.

    Thank you, and continued blessings. <3

    • Michelle says:

      I bet I would have liked your ER better as well. This one left a little to be desired. Thanks for the note.

  2. Kat says:

    I adore you and I miss you! Love this project – I think we can all benefit greatly in following your lead. My love and sympathy for your loss – I understand the unique grief of miscarriages – grieving a future instead of grieving a past.
    Keep on blogging!

    • Michelle says:

      Thanks so much for your note and your support of the blog. And for your kind heart. You certainly know what you’re talking about when it comes to loss.

  3. Rachel Bushnell says:

    Thank you for sharing your forgiveness project, and for being willing to be so vulnerable. Baby Jesus is going to feel at home in your heart.

  4. Carol Ann says:

    Oh, I so with you in this. I too was treated this way by ER staff, only it wasn’t me personally, but my father who was ill. I have had the same struggle, but have not been able express it at all, let alone as eloquently as you. I will pray for you, please pray for me!

    • Michelle says:

      Thanks for your note and your prayers. I will pray for you also. I think it is harder to forgive if you are watching someone you love be treated poorly.