I mentioned being tormented yesterday. A sorry state that. No easy rock to climb out from under. I am of the firm opinion that most all of those who claim to have overcome all demons and arrived on that blissful shore, should be quickly escorted to a cliff and advised to test their theories immediately via a leap (or a shove if need be). This isn’t that.
I can’t say I don’t hear the voice that says I’ll never make it, it’s hopeless, or whatever other poison it feels like spouting. I have figured out how to keep it at bay (most of the time) but I’ve never found the lifetime mute button. The voices have had all kinds of experiments tried on them. (I either have boredom issues or an ideas generator on overdrive.) Ignore. Drown out. Divert. Debate. Refute. Redirect. But honestly, my trump card to date has been agreement.
I was keeping this little tidbit to myself (it being absurd because it shouldn’t work) but then I accidentally saw a documentary on changing habits (it is scientifically possible!) and well, you know. I am aware that people with science on their side are the only people more potentially obnoxious than people with religion on their side, but I’ve got to say it anyway. (The voices, see, they have been REALLY aggravating all these years. It’s kind of like a teacher finding a classroom management strategy that actually works. Sometimes you just have to tell someone.)
So, yes, here it is . . .
Voice: Wow. Tough day. You definitely deserve some serious dessert.
Me Before: Maybe a little. OR No, forget it. I’m not even looking at them.
Result: A minute later first cookie is nibbled. Twenty minutes later I decide to finish the plate. It is the only way to guarantee that I will stop eating them.
Voice: Wow. Tough day. You definitely deserve some dessert.
Me/ Current Approach: Some? Are you kidding me? I deserve all that and a bottle of wine. I’m starting one hour from this second.
Voice: It’s sitting right there. What’s the difference between then and now?
Result: Scary soul haunter sounds like nagging children. So toss in a box of ice cream, I’ll be there in an hour, I say. Enough already.
Voice: You’re such a pathetic excuse for a mother/woman/wife/person/writer
Me: It’s probably worse than that. I’ll book in some self flagellation later today. At the moment, I’m a little tied up.
Science says that the part of our brain that considers and works towards long term goals needs a little time to kick in. It doesn’t arrive first at the scene. If we want to access the brain segment of good decision making, we have to find a way to buy it a little time. Laughter’s not a bad companion along the way.
Winter is never going to end, says droner.
Indubitably. The sun may also cease to shine.
Yawn. The old gray mare, she ain’t what she used to be.