Town Avoidance Disorder

Photograph of now defunct sport called, "Auto Polo."

Photograph of now defunct sport called, “Auto Polo.”

I have a very bad case of Town Avoidance Disorder. We have no applesauce. We are out of potatoes. And onions. And fruit. We have two bags of frozen vegetables left in the freezer. When we’re out of flour or milk I call my husband and ask him to pick it up. Oh and some cheese.  You’re out anyway. Do you mind?

I hate town. I hate stores. I’m ok with restaurants if they have real food because I like people asking me what I want, giving it to me and cleaning up afterwards. Stores have too many things. Towns have too many stores.

I like one grocery store,  one clothing store, one hardware store . . . you get the idea. My really favorite idea is to only use the general store three miles down the road. I dream about giving them a list of my essentials (whole wheat flour, macaroni noodles, canned peaches in fruit juice . . .) and only ever going there. Ever. It is a beautiful dream. The owners are in their eighties and are trying to sell. Their fiftyish daughters are keeping the place going until then.

Change like this irritates me. Despite the cost, I buy gas there pretty often because it isn’t in town. I pump my own where they can’t even see me from the window, then go in and tell them how much I owe them. Why are they selling? What is wrong with eighty year olds these days?

Then there is Sears. I picked Sears as my store for things I can’t get second hand.  I have gotten used to them and I like their socks. Children can wear them until they lose them. No spontaneous dismemberment at three weeks. Recently, I heard that Sears Canada is changing? closing? I don’t remember the details, but I didn’t like it. I don’t know who to make my store if they leave. It is too hard to think about, so I won’t. Since I go there at least three times a year, they may forget to contact me when the doors finally shut. If they remember me it’s because the clerks think I speak in tongues. No thank you, I say to always offered Sears card. Slowly I explain that paying in cash means you only spend what you actually have.  This causes a lot of blinking and polite laughter, kind of how you treat nice crazy people.

I could find town interesting like a museum if I could get past not wanting to be in a car. Going to town means doing nothing for a lot of minutes in a row. What did you do this morning? I went to town. What did you get? Groceries.

That’s it? Two hours for one word on a list? Plus the air does not breathe right in those towns. Going to town is very, highly, extremely, unsatisfying. (Unless I’m having a stand-up-to- excessive-descriptor-words day, then it is merely unpleasant.)

Going to town feels like this. :)

Going to town feels like this.


4 Comments to Town Avoidance Disorder

  1. Leslie Lynch says:

    Town Avoidance is NOT A DISORDER!!! It CAN’T BE. I live too close to a town to avoid it, but I would if I could. I’d be happiest about forty miles out of town. At least. So I substitute “shopping” for “town.” Should I start a twelve-step group for that? Shopping Avoidance (shudder) Disorder? Although I personally think it’s the other way around. Enjoying shopping seems like a disorder to me! My family knows. 43 minutes is my absolute, never-exceed limit. 😉

    Your pictures made me laugh. Out loud. In public. :-) Thanks for brightening my day!

    • Michelle says:

      I loved the pictures too. Just the idea of auto polo made me laugh. We humans are not so bright sometimes.

  2. I agree with Leslie, I think “Enjoying shopping” seems like a disorder to me. I hate to go shopping for groceries or anything else when the stores are busy. I have a few friends who love to shop until they drop–not me. I live too close to Wal-Mart to avoid it–so I shop at Wal-Mart but I try and plan the times when it is not busy just to keep me from losing what peace I have left when I shop. I find myself praying to myself a lot when it is busy at Wal-Mart so I don’t lose it completely or snap someone’s head off for smiling at me!

  3. Esther says:

    I’ll. remember that when I come visit. I’m one of the “love to shop” team. But I really enjoyed a good laugh. Thanks for sharing!