Winter Party Plans


Following the ancient customs of our people, I am planning a special event which will either be named, Winter Carnival, or, The Surviving Party.

For the opening ceremonies participants will wrap their winter outerwear in neon duct tape while listening to The Beach Boys in my kitchen. While singing a rousing round of, “wish they all could be California girls,” we will form a train and head for the chicken coop. We will drive the chickens from the coop into the sunshine, while serenading them with the chorus from Abba’s Dancing Queen. Participants will be free to dance in pairs or groups, with people or chickens, as the spirit moves them.

Other activities include:

Believe in the Green: guests will gather the ice scrapers from their vehicles and bring them to the garage where they will be painted green. Once dried, they will be planted in the snow symbolizing our belief that spring will come.

Throw it from the Roof :  Guests will add non-living items of their choice to a laundry basket to be carried up to the top of the roof and thrown down one by one. (This symbolizes the casting off of winter gloom.) Prior to the first throw, the roofer will lead the observers in a rousing chorus of, “We’re Not Gonna Take It.”

Chef for a Minute:  Hot dogs and hamburgers will be available from the barbecue. Only males are eligible for cooking duties as chefs will be expected to cook topless. This symbolizes the determination required to survive the barrenness of winter (not to mention a little justice for the nasty habit of putting men in three piece suits all winter while women shiver in flimsy fashion of the day). Fully winterized spouses may link arms and sing, “it’s the eye of the tiger, it’s the thrill of the fight . . . as encouragement if a chef is waning.

Keep the Party Going: Guests commit to going commando one day a week  (each day of the week must be spoken for) until the first buds of spring are visible through the snow. This symbolizes the casting off of winter restrictions. After the solemn commitment, guests may join in singing a chorus of, “Livin on a Prayer.” Whoa, we’re halfway there… take my hand, we’ll make it I swear…

Closing Ceremony: The child most resembling Pippi Longstocking will be placed on the pony’s back. They will be led from the field into the kitchen where the pony will eventually pee in shocking quantity. The result will be a fine symbol of the bitterness of winter. Misty will be given a carrot  by Pippi and led back outside while any of her symbols are removed because they are no longer wanted. From the cupboards every guest will receive a pot, pan, or plastic mixing bowl. Beating them loudly we will make our way outside. Still drumming, we will huddle together in a circle and howl at the moon. This will symbolize everything important that we didn’t have time to symbolize before. Any in tears may close with “I Will Survive.”

Date and Time TBA

8 Comments to Winter Party Plans

  1. Dale Sipple says:

    Unbelievable, hysterical! I’m laughing laughing laughing!I love it

  2. Chris Radford says:

    This is a terrific way to start a Friday and end a work week. I must admit that I chuckled a couple of times as images danced around in my head. Finishing with Pippi, one of my favourite childhood memories, was just perfect. Have a fabulous day and yes….bring on Spring!

  3. Esther says:

    Please don’t forget to invite me – I wanna be there!

  4. If this is what it takes to make the cold leave and the spring come, WE’RE IN!!!!

  5. Leslie Lynch says:

    This is HYSTERICAL!!! 😀 I’m going to have to steal an idea or two, not that we’ve had nearly the winter you have, but it seems nature decided to squeeze it all into three miserably cold, snowy and icy weeks. Worthy thoughts: That spring will, indeed, come! I’m quite taken by the topless bbq image. Sort of like the polar plunge. I’m glad to hear no one will be thrown into an icy river in a sacrificial act to beg spring to arrive sooner! 😉

  6. Carol says:

    count me in…just not anything to do with the pony mess.

  7. Dee says:

    Please send me an invitation.

  8. Margit Mayberry says:

    I want to come to this party. We are SO done with winter here, too.