Tag Archiv: science

Voices

I mentioned being tormented yesterday. A sorry state that. No easy rock to climb out from under. I am of the firm opinion that most all of those who claim to have overcome all demons and arrived on that blissful shore, should be quickly escorted to a cliff and advised to test their theories immediately via a leap (or a shove if need be).  This isn’t that.

I can’t say I don’t hear the voice that says I’ll never make it, it’s hopeless, or whatever other poison it feels like spouting. I have figured out how to keep it at bay (most of the time) but I’ve never found the lifetime mute button. The voices have had all kinds of experiments tried on them. (I either have boredom issues or an ideas generator on overdrive.)  Ignore. Drown out. Divert. Debate. Refute. Redirect. But honestly, my trump card to date has been agreement.

I was keeping this little tidbit to myself (it being absurd because it shouldn’t work) but then I accidentally saw a documentary on changing habits (it is scientifically possible!) and well, you know. I am aware that people with science on their side are the only people more potentially obnoxious than people with religion on their side, but I’ve got to say it anyway. (The voices, see, they have been REALLY aggravating all these years. It’s kind of like a teacher finding a classroom management strategy that actually works. Sometimes you just have to tell someone.)

So, yes, here it is . . .

Scenario 1

Voice: Wow. Tough day. You definitely deserve some serious dessert.

Me Before: Maybe a little.   OR  No, forget it. I’m not even looking at them.  

Result:  A minute later first cookie is nibbled. Twenty minutes later I decide to finish the plate. It is the only way to guarantee that I will stop eating them.

 

Voice: Wow. Tough day. You definitely deserve some dessert.

Me/ Current Approach: Some? Are you kidding me? I deserve all that and a bottle of wine. I’m starting one hour from this second. 

Voice: It’s sitting right there. What’s the difference between then and now?

Result: Scary soul haunter sounds like nagging children. So toss in a box of ice cream, I’ll be there in an hour, I say. Enough already.

Scenario 2

Voice: You’re such a pathetic excuse for a mother/woman/wife/person/writer

Me:  It’s probably worse than that. I’ll book in some self flagellation later today. At the moment, I’m a little tied up.

Science says that the part of our brain that considers and works towards long term goals needs a little time to kick in. It doesn’t arrive first at the scene. If we want to access the brain segment of good decision making, we have to find a way to buy it a little time. Laughter’s not a bad companion along the way.

 

Winter is never going to end, says droner.

Indubitably. The sun may also cease to shine.

 

Yawn. The old gray mare, she ain’t what she used to be.

An Interchange of About Twenty Minutes

file0001439703432The Scene:

I am driving. Girl two occasionally claps, or adds, “go, go, go,” but for the purposes of the story she is mostly a bystander. Boy two is in the far back of the caravan, girl one is in the seat ahead of him.

The Dialogue:

Boy two:  Ok, do you see the little stick guys on the side?

Girl one: Yeah

Boy two: Ok, I want you to click on them. Now see the thing that says music and click on it. Now set it for Star Wars theme.

Girl one: You’re going too fast. Just a minute. Ahhh! This stupid thing. Ok, ok, now I’ve got it.

 

 

Boy two:  Alright. So go back out to where the stick guys were. Go over right to the side. See the one guy there?

Girl one: Click on him?

Boy two: Yeah, Click on him. Now, go to settings and look for the Phil file. I think it’s called something like Phil file 3552. For some reason they didn’t do any numbers one to ten or something, I don’t know. It’s crazy. Are you there yet?

Girl one:  They’re going crazy. They’re everywhere. Oh my gosh, everyone’s running around like crazy people.

Boy two: Chase that guy on the right. Once you get him, you’ll see what happens. Right there. Now! See it. Now quick, grab that stick on the ground.

……

Time elapses. I drive.

……

Girl one: That was awesome.

Boy two: Yeah, let’s put it away now.

Girl one: Yeah, first I just have to save it. What should I call it?

Boy two: Call it, “Phil 542. . .”

Girl one: Just a minute, it’s not working. This things takes forever to save. There it goes. . .

Girl two: When is it going to be my turn?

Girl one: Next time. We’re putting it away now.

Pertinent fact:

1. For the entire conversation, girl one was holding a rectangular 2×3 inch mirror in her hand.

 

Seriously, where are the scientists when the really good stuff is happening?